The Lord of the Rings: Rurouni Kenshin style
by Heather Logan
Summary: Kaoru inherits a hair ribbon that turns its wearer invisible. Hilarity ensues. A parody in three parts.
1. The Fellowship of the Ribbon

**The Lord of the Rings: Rurouni Kenshin style **

A Rurouni Kenshin / Lord of the Rings crossover by Heather Logan

(Disclaimer: This was written for fun, not profit. Rurouni Kenshin belongs to Nobuhiro Watsuki and The Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien.)

* * *

**The Fellowship of the Ribbon **

It was an ordinary September afternoon, warm and sunny. Kaoru Baggins sat at her kitchen table, sipping tea and listening to the bumblebees buzz lazily outside the window, accented by the snk-snk-snk of garden shears. The peace was interrupted by an urgent knocking at her door.

"Genzai-sensei!" Kaoru exclaimed, as the old doctor entered. His normally cheerful expression was replaced by a look of dark concern.

"Kaoru-chan," he said in a somber voice. "I have learned something of grave importance. Do you still have that ribbon?"

"Ribbon?" Kaoru looked at him blankly.

"That golden hair ribbon, that belonged to your father."

"Oh, the one that turns its wearer invisible. Sure." Kaoru retrieved it from her bedroom and handed it to the old doctor.

He took it silently, crossed the kitchen and dropped it into the stove.

"What are you doing!" shouted Kaoru.

Genzai-sensei held up a hand for silence. "Wait," he said. Then he took a pair of tongs and fished the ribbon out from the glowing embers. It wasn't even singed. Instead, where its surface had previously been a shimmery gold satin, tiny letters of fire ran down its length.

"I cannot read the fiery letters," Kaoru whispered, as if entranced.

"The letters are Katakana," Genzai said, "but the language is that of Mordor. I will not speak it here. In Japanese, this is what it says.

"One ribbon to rule them all,  
One ribbon to find them,  
One ribbon to bring them all,  
and in the darkness bind them.  
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie."

A shiver ran up Kaoru's back. The warmth had seemed to leach out of the day, and there was now only silence outside the window.

"A spy-" hissed Genzai, and with a lightning-fast move had stuck an arm out the window and hauled up a protesting figure by his red hair.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"Oro!"

"Genzai-sensei, it's all right, this is Kenshin Gamgee. He's my gardener." Genzai lowered Kenshin to the floor. "And my cleaning staff, and my chef."

"Begging your pardon, Milady Kaoru," Kenshin whimpered, huddling on the floor.

"Get up, Kenshin," Genzai said. "This is taking too long." He turned back to Kaoru and laid the golden ribbon in her hand. "This ribbon is very dangerous and must be destroyed. You saw what it did to your father."

"What are you talking about?" Kaoru replied. "My father died in the Seinan War."

"Never mind." Genzai waved a hand dismissively. "You must take this ribbon to Mordor--"

"Where's Mordor?"

"It's another name for Kyoto. Now stop interrupting. You must take this ribbon to Mordor and cast it into the fires of Mount Hiei."

"Okay," said Kaoru.

At that moment the door burst open and two small people capered in. One was a boy of about ten, short, with dark spiky hair. The other was a skinny girl in a ninja outfit with a long dark braid. They linked arms and danced around each other for a moment, then stopped and shouted in unison, "Never fear, we're here!"

"Who the hell are you?" Genzai asked.

Kaoru sighed. "Genzai-sensei, these are my cousins. Misao Brandybuck--"

"Hiya Gramps!" Misao said.

"-- and Yahiko Took."

"You know me already," Yahiko grumbled, throwing a surly look in Genzai's direction.

"Fine, fine," Genzai said, patting the youngsters on their backs. "Off you go then. I'll meet you in Kyoto; I've got some errands to run. Oh, and don't leave the path."

With that, he was gone, leaving four bewildered hobbits in his wake.

o-o-o

Early the next morning...

"Well, we finally made it to the Akabeko," Kaoru sighed, breezing through the door.

"Yes, but did we really have to cut through the Old Forest and across the Downs, Milady Kaoru?" Kenshin had leaves and twigs stuck in his red hair and his arm was in a sling.

"It was faster. Anyway, we're here now. Where's Genzai-sensei?"

"Kaoru-chan!" Tae had spotted her young friend and crossed the restaurant to greet her. "And Kenshin-san, and Misao-chan and Yahiko-chan! What took you so long to get here? Genzai-sensei has already left for Kyoto."

"Don't call me -chan, dammit," Yahiko grumbled.

"Whatever," Kaoru said. "Let's have a hot-pot. I'm famished!"

"Idiots," growled a man sitting by himself near the wall. Kaoru had passed close to him, and he'd reached out and caught her by the collar of her gi. "Don't wave this around," he said, pointing at the golden ribbon in her hand.

Kaoru's eyes widened. His clothes were rough and scruffy, his eyes were narrow and dangerous-looking, and his red headband marked him out as a man not to be trifled with.

"Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin and the others had rushed forward to save her, weapons at the ready. But the scruffy man held up a hand.

"My name is Sanosuke son of Sanothorn, and if by life or death I can save you, I will. Especially if there's free food involved." He got to his feet, towering over the little hobbits. "Now let's go. I'll lead you to Kyoto. I'm a ranger, and I've got a perfect sense of direction."

"Okay," said Kenshin.

"Sounds good," said Misao.

"Perfect sense of direction, my ass," Yahiko muttered as they left the Akabeko and set off down the dusty road.

o-o-o

The party trudged through the marsh as the day brightened, Sano in the lead and the four little people following in a line. It was growing hotter, the air sluggish and oppressive.

"Dammit, Sano!" Yahiko swore. "These mosquitoes are eating me alive!"

"Shut it, sprog," Sano retorted. "This is the fastest way. And since we're off the road, our enemies won't be able to find us."

Misao stopped in her tracks. "I'm hungry," she commented.

"I'm sorry, Milady Misao, but I didn't bring any lunch," Kenshin replied.

"That's all right," Misao said, brightening. She pulled an onigiri from somewhere inside her short-sleeved ninja outfit. "I've got Second Breakfast right here. And Elevenses--" she pulled out another onigiri-- "and Luncheon--" a plate of sushi appeared in her hand-- "and Tea, and Dinner--" these were joined by a bowl each of miso and of rice and a large, steaming hot-pot-- "and--"

"Misao-chan, stop!" Kaoru shouted, waving her hands urgently. Sano was eyeing the spread hungrily. "We've got to keep going till nightfall!"

Misao's face fell, but she acquiesced. The party pushed on.

As they crested a hill and disappeared down the other side, Yahiko's mutter could be heard floating upon the wind: "I thought Kenshin was the only one who kept unreasonably large radishes in his clothing."

o-o-o

"I have a bad feeling about this campsite." Kaoru shivered and rubbed her arms.

"It's called Weathertop," Sano said. "My buddies and I used to hang out here. What could go wrong?"

"Don't worry, Milady Kaoru," Kenshin said, edging closer to her and peering into the darkness. "I'll protect you, that I will."

o-o-o

"Ow!"

"There there, Kaoru-chan," soothed Genzai-sensei as he bandaged Kaoru's arm. "It's only a little cut, and since Kenshin treated it quickly it shouldn't leave a scar. Even though it was made with a wraith-blade."

"I'm sorry, Milady Kaoru," Kenshin said. "I knew it was a bad idea trying to fight Gohei when he's three times your size. I'm glad I was able to rescue you after you'd only received a small cut, that I am."

"Oh, Kenshin," Kaoru sighed. "You take such good care of me."

"There," Genzai said, giving Kaoru's arm a pat. "All done. Time for a council." He got up and led them out into the sunshine.

"Why are we back in Tokyo again?" Kenshin asked. "That Sano has a terrible sense of direction."

"Now, now," Genzai-sensei scolded. "Sanosuke son of Sanothorn is one of my most trusted friends. If by life or death he can save you, he will. Especially if there's free food involved."

The companionship were all gathered in the yard, seated in a semicircle. Kaoru, Kenshin and Genzai joined them. All looked expectantly toward the figure at the focus of the gathering -- a tall man in a policeman's uniform, with stringy bangs hanging over his slitted yellow eyes.

"Why does he get to be Elrond?" Yahiko grumbled. Misao elbowed him in the ribs.

"What?" Saitou shot back, indignant. "Don't I look funny enough?

"Okay," he continued, to the gathering as a whole. "You've got to go to Mordor, yadda yadda yadda."

"I'll do it," said Kaoru.

"Great," said Saitou. "Next?"

"You have my sword!" Kenshin exclaimed.

"And my bow!" Yahiko added. "Er. Bo-kken."

"And my, uh--" Misao's face fell. "My kansatsu tobikunai," she added sheepishly.

"Okay, let's do it!" Kaoru shouted, and the party erupted into cheers.

o-o-o

A line of silhouettes stretched along the crest of the hill, walking in single file. Sanosuke was in the lead, tall and sure of his direction. Behind him strode Genzai-sensei, his staff in his hand. And following them were four little people.

"So where's the dwarf?" Kaoru asked. "Don't we get a dwarf?"

"That's Yahiko," Sano replied.

"Dammit Sano!" Yahiko shouted, leaping up onto the taller man's shoulders to chew on the back of his head.

Sano laughed, easily throwing off his attacker. "Fine, then it's Kenshin."

"Oro."

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "And what about the elf? I thought there was supposed to be an elf."

Sano looked thoughtful, a finger to his lips. "Well, we could get Kamatari, I suppose."

"He's not an elf, he's a fairy," Yahiko retorted.

"Yahiko!" Kenshin gasped.

"Or Enishi," Sano continued. "He does that Wu-Shu stuff and wears Chinese slippers. No wait, he's a fairy too."

"Sano!" Kenshin looked scandalized.

o-o-o

"Dammit Sano, I am not a dwarf!" Yahiko yelled as the taller man lifted him easily. They had taken a short-cut through a cave system that Sano claimed to know, and were now being pursued by a horde of ninjas. On top of that, an earthquake had just taken out the middle span of the final bridge, leaving Yahiko and Sano behind.

"Shut it, sprog, I'm saving your life," Sano growled. "Oi, Kenshin. Catch." He hurled Yahiko through the air, following with a great leap of his own.

"Well done, Sanosuke son of Sanothorn," Genzai said, stepping forward to the lip of the drop. "Now: fly, you fools!"

"Who are you calling fools, you idiot!" Yahiko yelled furiously.

But they were already running for the light at the end of the tunnel, Yahiko struggling helplessly in Kenshin's arms. As they tumbled out at last onto green grass, gasping in the fresh air and blinking in the sunlight, a final crashing echo came from the mouth of the cave, mingled with a long, last wail of Genzai-sensei's voice, crying: "You shall not pass!"

"Didn't know Genzai had a student," Yahiko muttered sourly.

o-o-o

"First the bog, then the cave, now this forest?" Yahiko growled. "Dammit Sano, you have no sense of direction!"

"Shut it, sprog," Sano snapped back. "This is Lothlorien. It's inhabited by elves. You're supposed to be impressed."

"Elves, Milady Kaoru?" Kenshin sounded wistful. "I've always wanted to see elves, that I have."

"What about Saitou?" Kaoru snapped back. She was getting more and more cranky having to carry that golden ribbon, and not being able to actually wear it.

"Saitou Hajime is not an elf," Kenshin replied primly.

"Yes he is, he--"

"Shh!" Sano shushed them suddenly. "We're here," he whispered, pointing to a tall figure approaching through the trees, her retinue in tow. "That is the Lady of Lothlorien, Megumadriel."

The Lady's laughter drifted like the chiming of a thousand bells between the trees: "O ho ho ho ho!" The elf queen glided forward on the whisper of wooden clogs, her long raven tresses glimmering like silver in the enchanted light and her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Elf queen, my ass," Yahiko growled. "Kitsune queen's more like it."

"Shut it!" Sano hissed.

"Welcome," Megumadriel said, and her voice fell upon their ears like music. "Come, eat and rest after your long journey. Oh, and Kaoru-chan and Ken-san, you two can come look into my magic pool."

Kaoru and Kenshin followed the elf queen while the others went to dine.

"This is just a pool of water," Kaoru groused.

But Kenshin was gazing into it, entranced. "Tokyo..." he breathed. "What have they done to Tokyo! The dojo-- There are people suffering--" He looked up at Megumadriel, alarm in his violet eyes.

"Those events may be in the future, or they may never come to pass," Megumadriel said mysteriously. "You must decide: do you want to go wandering back toward Tokyo, to help the people that you see there in my pool? Or do you want to stay with Kaoru-chan and aid her in her quest?"

Kenshin wavered. Kaoru could see the tension in his eyes. But then he turned toward her. "I'll stay with you, Milady Kaoru."

Kaoru sighed with relief. Then a thought struck her. She held out the golden ribbon in her palm. "Megumadriel, you are wise and beautiful." She almost choked on the words. "Ahem. Why don't you take this golden ribbon?"

"O ho ho ho ho!" Megumadriel laughed, and her laughter was like music to their ears. "Take the One Ribbon, and tie it in my hair?" A light had appeared in her eyes, and a terrible, beautiful aura surrounded her. Her voice grew deeper. "Then in place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the morning and the night! Fair as the sea, dreadful as the storm, stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair! O ho ho ho ho!" Then the glamour faded, and her voice returned to normal. "Nah. I wear my hair down." She flicked a hand through her long black tresses.

"Anyway," Megumadriel continued, "here are some souvenirs. Kaoru-chan, here's a lantern. In case it gets dark. Oh, and Ken-san, here's a box of dirt."

Kenshin looked nonplussed.

"Potting soil, I mean. And a seed for a cherry blossom tree."

Kenshin's eyes widened. "Oh, thank you, Milady Megumadriel!"

Kaoru scowled. "Kenshin," she said. "I thought you only called me 'Milady'."

"Oro? But Milady Kaoru, I call all women 'Milady'. Haven't you noticed?"

"Well. In any case. Stop looking at her."

"Hai, Milady Kaoru."

o-o-o

"Dammit! Why do we have to take these crappy little boats?"

"Shut it, sprog."

o-o-o

"Kaoru's missing," Yahiko exclaimed, looking frantically around the campsite.

"Missing?" Misao squeaked. "The Ribbon-Bearer... Come on, Yahiko, we're going to look for her!" The two youngsters ran off, hand in hand.

"Idiots," Sano grumbled. "You're gonna get captured by ninjas if you do that, you know," he yelled after them, then glanced around the now-empty campsite. "Well. Better go after them."

o-o-o

"Milady Kaoru! Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin ran wildly through the forest, following the faint sound of Kaoru's footsteps. Of Kaoru, however, he could see no sign. "The ribbon..." he gasped as he ran. "She's using the ribbon... Milady Kaoru! Wait for me!"

One of the pathetic little rowboats had untied itself from the mooring and was drifting out into the river, its oar operated by invisible hands.

"Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin threw himself into the water after it and promptly started to drown.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru's voice sounded from the apparently empty boat. "Grab my hand!"

"I can't see your hand, that I can't!" Kenshin gasped, before going under again.

Kaoru pulled the golden ribbon from her hair, which fell softly around her shoulders. She plunged her now-visible arm into the river and pulled out a gasping and spluttering Kenshin.

"Oh, Kenshin," she said, as her rurouni hauled himself into the boat. "You're so loyal."

"Oro?"


	2. The Two 'Bekos

**The Two 'Bekos **

"Dammit! I hate ninjas!" Yahiko yelled as he was carried roughly along on the back of a large running ninja.

"Hey!" Misao retorted, from her upside-down position across the back of another ninja. "I'm a ninja too, you know."

"Well, use your oh-so-cool ninja skills and get us out of this, then," Yahiko snapped back.

"Fine. Once they stop for the night, we escape into the forest."

"Okay," Yahiko replied, with a thumbs-up. "It's a plan."

o-o-o

Sanosuke son of Sanothorn ran across the plains, his tireless strides eating mile after mile of ground as he pursued his two young charges.

"Damn," Sano muttered as he ran. "I could use a hot-pot just about now. And where are my sidekicks? Aren't I supposed to have a couple of sidekicks?"

His grumblings were interrupted by the sudden appearance of a large troupe of men on horseback.

"Who goes there!" shouted their leader.

"I am Sanosuke, son of Sanothorn," Sano yelled back. "I'm chasing some ninjas who kidnapped a couple of hobbit pals of mine."

"Ninjas?" The horsemen conferred among themselves for a moment. "Okay. We'll help you out. Here's a spare horse."

"That was easy."

o-o-o

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Kyoto...

"Argh! I knew Kyoto was surrounded by mountains, but more bogs?" Kaoru trudged through the muck, splatters of muddy water covering her hakama.

"Buck up, Milady Kaoru."

"'Buck up'? Kenshin, are you all right?"

"Fine, Milady Kaoru. Please don't worry about me." Kenshin grinned back at her reassuringly moments before falling into another pool. "Oro."

Kaoru turned back and hauled him out. "Oh," she chided. "You've got mud in your pretty red hair."

"Oro?"

"This sucks. We need a guide."

"Perfect, because someone's been following us ever since Sano led us into those caves." Kenshin pointed at the tall figure that had been trailing them for the past few weeks. It was hunched over strangely, and swathed from head to toe in white bandages. It might once have been a hobbit like them, but those days had long since gone.

"What!" Kaoru yelped, annoyed at herself for missing their oh-so-obvious pursuer. Now that they'd stopped, the bandage-swathed figure had a chance to catch up.

"Preciousss..." it hissed.

"What's your name?" Kaoru asked it.

"Shishio Makoto, Preciousss."

"Okay, he seems trustworthy." Kaoru turned and continued across the bog.

o-o-o

"Let me put it this way. You're about to be attacked by a horde of ninjas and your entire village destroyed." Sanosuke son of Sanothorn stood in the dimly lit hall, backed by an array of heavily armed horsemen and facing the small throne at the head of the hall.

"Father, please, listen to this guy." The speaker was a pretty young woman, slim but well muscled, who leaned over the edge of the throne to address the old man seated therein.

"Ninjas, schminjas," the king scoffed. "Why, back in my day we liked to take down a whole squad of ninjas before breakfast, just to work up our appetites."

"But sire," Sano retorted, "these are special ninjas, cross-bred with samurai by an evil wizard to make them extra-tough." It made no sense and he'd just made it up on the spot, but it sounded good nevertheless.

"Hmm." The king pondered. "Fine. Everyone to the fort." He levered himself out of the throne, aided by his daughter Shura. "Why I ever gave up pirating and took up horses I'll never know," he muttered.

o-o-o

"Ow! Ow! Stop it! Ow!"

"Will you two stop fighting!" Kaoru scolded, turning around again to where her supposed guide was chewing on her dearest friend and companion.

"Ssss..." Shishio hissed, letting go of Kenshin.

Kenshin staggered away, one hand pressed to his shoulder. "He bit me, that he did!" he exclaimed indignantly.

o-o-o

"This is a fort?" Sano eyed the small cave skeptically. Technically, it was fortified, with some logs and barrels strategically placed around the entrance, but it looked as though it had been built by children and the pirate flag fluttering gaily from a flagpole mounted above the cave's opening did little to encourage him.

"Indeed!" chuckled the king. "It is our finest fortification: Helm's Deep! I named it myself, after my good friend Helm who fell overboard back in the days when we were pirates. Hee he he! Ah, that was the life. Raiding, plundering, hoarding, sailing the Seven Seas... Ah, how I miss that salt air."

"Father!" chided Shura, the pirate's daughter. "We've got to get ready!"

o-o-o

Kaoru was asleep. Kenshin eyed her with concern. The journey had not been easy on her, and she looked like she was getting thinner. Thinner, and more cranky. She'd hit him over the head with her bokken just this morning for fighting with Shishio and then she'd had to carry him for the past few miles.

Their erstwhile guide had slunk off somewhere. Kenshin glanced around the camp suspiciously. He didn't like Shishio Makoto one bit. Well, at least this would give him time to prepare a meal for Kaoru. He got up and leapt high into the air, coming down with a Ryuu Tsui Sen on the head of an unsuspecting rabbit.

"I'm sorry, Mister Rabbit, but Milady Kaoru needs food, that she does," he whispered apologetically to the mangled bit of fur, before picking it up and deftly skinning it with his sword. He pulled a cooking pot out of his gi and scooped it full of water from the stream, then set it on the campfire.

"I wish I had some daikon, that I do," Kenshin muttered to himself, stirring the pot with a stick.

"What's daikon?" Shishio was suddenly there, startling Kenshin half to death.

"Daikon," Kenshin repeated. "Dai-Kon. Boil it, mash it, stick it in a stew? You know. That big white carrot-looking vegetable."

o-o-o

"Well, that was easy," Sano commented to no one in particular, as the morning light revealed the wreckage of the fort and the sprawled masses of dead ninjas before it.

"Hee he he!" laughed the pirate king. "Told ya! Told ya! Pirates versus ninjas! Pirates always win!"

"I think the army of walking trees had something to do with it," Shura commented.

"Um," said Sano. "I'm not so sure about those trees. That might have been due to those mushrooms we ate last night. They made me feel a little funny."

"But we always eat those red-and-white mushrooms before battles," Shura replied. "They strengthen the blood. Or something."

"I think those dancing badgers were probably a hallucination too." Sano shrugged off the thought and grinned again. "Ah well. Let's go see if we can find my hobbit friends, whom I have just conveniently remembered."

o-o-o

"What happened?" asked Misao.

"Dunno," replied Yahiko. "All I remember is a lot of trees."

"Yeah. It was dead boring."

"Yeah. Well. At least there's food here." Yahiko turned back to the cache of freshly-cooked rice and miso soup and grilled fish that the two had mysteriously discovered in the ruins of a tower somewhere on the edge of the forest.

o-o-o

"Gotcha." Shinomori Aoshi had snuck up behind the two little people and grabbed them each by an ear. "Now. What are two nice hobbits like you doing wandering around alone this close to Mordor?"

"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed.

"Let me go!" Kaoru yelled, whacking Aoshi with her bokken. "You're a ninja, aren't you!"

Aoshi backed off. "Yeah, I'm a ninja, but in a good way," he said defensively. "I'm the Okashira of the Defenders of Gondor."

"Okashira?" Kaoru looked at him blankly.

"It means the captain," Kenshin whispered to her, rubbing his ear.

"Oh. Okay. So you're a good guy then."

Aoshi looked shifty. "Yeah. You could say that."

"Great." Kaoru fished in her gi and pulled out the golden ribbon. "You want this? We're trying to throw it into the fires of Mount Hiei."

"Nah." Aoshi waved a hand. "I've got my hands full defending Gondor."


	3. The Return of the Fight Merchant

**The Return of the Fight Merchant **

"Dammit Sano!" growled Yahiko, his voice syncopated by the jolting of the galloping horse.

"Shut it, sprog," Sanosuke son of Sanothorn snapped back, adjusting his grip on the back of Yahiko's gi. "You're too small to ride a horse by yourself, and we've got to get to Gondor before it's overrun by a horde of ninjas fresh out of Mordor."

"I thought you said the walking trees beat those ninjas," Yahiko retorted, yelling to be heard over the rumble of hoofbeats. An army of pirate horsemen -- and one pirate horsewoman, unbeknownst to them -- surrounded them on all sides.

"A different horde of ninjas, idiot," Sano growled, cuffing Yahiko on the back of the head.

"Dammit Sano!"

"Shut it."

o-o-o

"Well, Milady Kaoru," Kenshin said, "we could go in through the main gates guarded by a thousand ninjas, or we could follow Shishio up this deathtrap-narrow flight of stairs and through a cave infested with giant spiders, or we could give up and go home."

"Ugh, spiders." Kaoru grimaced in disgust. "Eh, whatever. Lead on, Shishio."

"Yesss, my Preciousss."

o-o-o

Sanosuke son of Sanothorn gazed out over the walls of Gondor at the massed horde of ninjas that blackened the plain below. "No problem," Sano said cockily as he cracked his knuckles.

"We're doomed." Okina, King of Gondor, turned away from the vista and closed his eyes. "The cherry-blossom tree in the citadel at the top of the city lost all its blossoms yesterday," he continued, "and my son Aoshi lies near death, injured in battle." He paused, considering. "Y'know, Shinomori Aoshi is a little mentally unstable. I think I'll kill him off myself, just to be safe." He strolled off, whistling a jaunty tune.

"Hey, Sano," Yahiko called from his seat on top of the parapet. Being so short -- he was a hobbit, after all -- this was the only way he could see over the wall. "Aren't you worried about that prophecy that says the ninja captain cannot be killed by mortal man?"

"Nah." Sano waved it off. "Shura came with us. She'll finish him off."

o-o-o

They had lived for a week on bugs and rainwater. Nothing grew on the flanks of Mount Hiei except for thorn bushes, and the place was swarming with ninjas. To make matters worse, Kaoru had become despondent, the golden ribbon a physical weight in the front of her gi, dragging her down as they struggled onward. Kenshin helped her as much as he could. He knew he couldn't carry the ribbon -- it was Kaoru's ribbon, after all -- but he could carry her, and so carry her he did.

o-o-o

"That was easy," Sano quipped, brushing dust off his hands. The plains of Gondor lay drenched in the blood of a thousand ninjas, and the streets were lined with makeshift stretchers and cots containing the moaning multitude of injured. Yahiko and Misao, and Shura too if Sano hadn't been mistaken, had been carried off to the clinic to be bandaged up. Typical kids, he thought. Always getting into scrapes. He looked back out over the battlements. "Though I wonder where they got ahold of those elephants," he mused.

A distant plume of smoke caught his eye, rising above the barely-visible peak of Mount Hiei. "Huh. I wonder how Kenshin and the Little Miss are doing." Sano watched the smoke for a little while longer, then shrugged and wandered inside. It had been a long day, and he was hungry.

o-o-o

"Milady Kaoru! Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin shouted desperately, running up the steep and rocky trail as fast as he could manage in his starved and exhausted state. A snarl alerted him just too late to the pursuit. "Aah-oof!" Shishio Makoto landed on top of him with tremendous force, banging Kenshin's head into a rock before scrambling onward up the trail. Toward Kaoru.

"Milady Kaoru!" Kenshin wailed, struggling to hands and knees. He had to protect her. Just a little further. He made it to the top of the trail and sprawled onto the ground.

Kaoru stood at the far edge of a cliffside arena, gazing down into the flames that roared and gouted beyond its edge. In her hand was the golden ribbon, seeming to glow in the light of the fires.

"Throw it in, Milady Kaoru! Throw it in!" Kenshin urged her.

But Kaoru stood, wavering, as if fighting a battle within herself. The ribbon. The ribbon of power. The One Ribbon to Rule Them All. She'd carried it for so long. Could she just throw it away now? She reached up and pulled her own length of indigo silk from her hair, letting it flutter away in the wind of the flames.

"Milady Kaoru, no!"

Kaoru reached up and gathered up her hair, the golden ribbon in one hand. And then she vanished.

Shishio Makoto charged forward out of the shadows, hitting out at the air and grappling with something invisible, as if he were putting on a kabuki show.

Kenshin watched, speechless with shock, as the bandage-swathed wraith clawed at his Lady, his snarls audible above the roar of the flames. "Milady Kaoru..." he whispered.

"Ow!" came a sudden yelp, in Kaoru's voice. "Why are you biting me, you idiot? The ribbon's in my hair!"

"Bleh," Shishio said. "You taste worse than Kenshin."

"What? Ow!"

And suddenly she was visible again, falling to her hands and knees as Shishio held the golden ribbon triumphantly aloft, dancing and capering on the edge of the abyss. "Ha ha ha ha ha whoops--" His footing slipped and he plunged over the edge, the ribbon still in his hand. The last sound they heard was Shishio's eerie laughter, mingled with the roar of flames.

Kenshin rushed forward to cradle Kaoru in his arms. "Oh, Milady Kaoru, your poor hair. Here, let me--" He reached up and undid his own hair tie, letting all that gorgeous red hair fall around his shoulders, and tenderly retied Kaoru's ponytail.

"It's... over," Kaoru said softly. Her eyes were clear once more, clear of the madness of the Ribbon. "It's over." She smiled. "Come on Kenshin, let's go home."

They stood to leave, but immediately staggered as a powerful earthquake shook Mount Hiei.

"The power of the ribbon..." Kenshin said.

"What are you talking about? That was just an earthquake."

"Yes, but..." Kenshin pointed at the path ahead of them. The quake had triggered a landslide, covering the trail with an impassable pile of debris.

The two exhausted hobbits sank to their knees, huddling together for comfort as Mount Hiei shook itself apart around them.

"So this is it," said Kenshin. "We're going to die."

Kaoru looked at him. He wasn't very tall. And it certainly could not be described as a nice day. So she said nothing.

Some time later, a small owl landed on the hillside next to them, cocked its head to look at them sideways, and flew away.

"So much for the deus ex machina," Kaoru commented. "How did Saitou get out of this?"

"What? Oh." Kenshin looked around, then pointed. "There's another trail over there."

"Okay. Come on, Kenshin. Let's go back to Tokyo together."

"Hai, Milady Kaoru." And the two set off, hand in hand, down the flanks of Mount Hiei.

-- Owari --


End file.
